Beginnings in Bismarck

So, I’m finally in Bismarck, all “settled in”. Signed the lease on my apartment, did some obligatory grocery shopping, put away as much of the one carload of stuff as I was able, all pretty mundane. However, in my travels between car and apartment, I did manage to meet a neighbor. Well, actually, my landlord introduced me to him and asked him if he would help me move my futon when I was ready. He did. I asked his name, and due to his extremely thick German accent, I asked again. After asking for a third time, I attempted with “Swan?”, which was met with an enthusiastic grin and “yes, yes”, though I remain skeptical. I thanked “Swan” for his help and began putting things away. About 5 minutes later, Swan knocked on my slider and asked if I needed any help. I informed him that I didn’t, but he didn’t leave, just started asking questions. Questions like, “Do you have a family? How old are you? Do you have a job? You are from Michigan? You live here alone.” That last one was not a question, and given that I had needed his help to move in, it was fairly obvious. Swan went back to work hanging up Christmas lights on the trees outside my apartment. Five more minutes later, Swan returns with a package of Christmas lights for me (and immediately my first thought after “Ok, creepy guy, enough is enough” was “Oh Great! I’m trying to RID my life of possessions, not collect more stupid shit that I don’t need.”) Swan offers to come inside and hang the Christmas lights around for me, but I tell him I have too much unpacking to do. Swan returns to the Christmas lights. 15 minutes later… knock, knock, knock… “Do you know how to clean?” (Wait, how has my reputation preceded me all the way out here?) Apparently Swan thought that maybe he could get me a job cleaning apartments at night and knock money off my monthly rent. I have absolutely no idea what precipitated this, and by this time he was really creeping me out. Finally on the last “visit”, Swan asked if I liked bars. “On my windows,” I replied in a deadpan. That’s the amusing thing to me about foreigners, they totally miss the concept of sarcasm. “No, no, not on windows. To drink. I take you for drinks, I pay, you not worry about anything. We go to bar for drinking.” I tell Swan thanks, but no thanks, lots of unpacking to do and I’m starting my new job and really quite busy with an inability to socialize. Swan finally left me with his phone number and told me to call if I need anything… He “want to give me help.”

Stalker Swan visited me twice today. The first time I was hidden and he went away. The second time I was in the living room. My ceiling fan is running to help dry my carpet that was shampooed today, and so my blinds are blowing back and forth and he could see me sitting there. I answered, he asked how my first day of work was, I told him I start tomorrow, and then he mercifully got a phone call and walked away and hasn’t been back tonight.

I wonder what’s German for, “You have the most beautiful blonde hair I’ve ever seen.”

I also wonder what’s German for, “Glock.”